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from Goo, Buckshot and the Kid (The Fearsome Threesome)

The Real Santa?

This past Christmas I wanted to do a little something special so I decided to dress up as Santa and visit some of the neighborhood kids. Alright, granted the pink shawl was not the ideal choice of clothing, however, considering the fact that I didn't have a big red suit, I figured it was the next best thing. Anyway, I was out there asking kids what they wanted for Christmas and all that and everything was going pretty well. But then this one kid noticed my hand on my beard. He asked me why I was holding onto my beard like that and then the other kids became curious too. I tried to play it off like it was just a comfortable thing to do, but they weren't buying. Finally, they flat out dared me to take the hand off the beard and of course, I couldn't turn down a dare from a bunch of punk kids. I moved my hand and the wooden Santa head fell to the ground. I tried real quick to duck my own head under the shawl to make it seem like I really was Santa and that my head had simply fallen off, but that only seemed to make an embarrassing situation even worse. Despite my efforts, they easily spotted my real head bulging from under the shawl. So in a matter of seconds, I had transformed from the great Santa Claus into a pathetic weird dude cowering beneath a pink shawl. At that point, there was nothing left to do but run away.

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Random Strange Thoughts from the Kid

I’ve long suspected that Charlie Tuna was, in fact, the ruthless leader of an elaborate undersea underworld. Oh yes, and you can be damn sure that any flounder who didn’t play by his rules found himself “sleeping with the humans” in a pair of balloon shoes. Of course, I could never prove that.

I think that if I was a bull I’d be mighty tempted to just meander into some random china shop, but instead of breaking stuff, I would be real cautious and very calmly browse around. Then, after a few minutes, I’d make a small purchase and exit uneventfully.

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Random Thoughts from Goo Goblins

What kind of vigilante are you? What is this? Faggot Shit!!! Think about it!

I think it would be much more troublesome to find a piece of hay in a stack of needles. Think about it!

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Random Thoughts from Buckshot the Bandit

I'm a card guy. If you throw a no hitter, I may send your arm a congratulatory card. If you miss a game winning field goal it's an encouragement card for your foot. If you sleep with a hot girl your penis may find a Great Job card in the mail box. If you eat something really spicy, don't look now ass, but you'll be getting a sympathy card. Like I said before... I'm a card guy.

When ever I am bleeding... be it from a paper cut, a hang nail or a scab that I just picked I always blame it on those leeches. It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, I just yell out "Those damned leeches got me again!" This only works for small cuts though because I think we all know that there is no such thing as a giant leech. If I ever get my head cut off I don't think my trick will fool anyone because to date, there have been no reports of leech be-headings.

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