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from Goo, Buckshot and the Kid (The Fearsome Threesome)

Behind The Glass?

The optimist sees this glass as half full. The pessimist sees it as half empty. Then there's the fat dude, who doesn't take note of the glass at all because his eye is caught by that box of chocolate donuts sitting over there in the background. The donuts are calling out to him like the Sirens called to the brave Odysseus, and he, like Odysseus, is being drawn in by their sweet song. He is helplessly under their chocolaty spell. Ah, but wait. What's that off to the right? It's a bit blurry but could it be? Oh yes, it's a low fat yogurt, the one thing that can break the spell and spare this fat dude from certain death by chocolate. You might think this sounds unrealistic. The idea that a fat guy is going to choose a low fat yogurt over a scrumptious donut. Well perhaps you didn't realize that that's a Dannon yogurt sitting there. That's right, fruit on the bottom Baby! Those wonderful luscious peaches just sitting down there like buried treasure waiting to be dug up by some lucky fat dude. And let me tell you this. When he inserts the spoon and sees those golden peaches rise up to break the surface, suddenly it won't matter that he's mixing those peaches with low fat yogurt. You see, at that point, it will have nothing to do with yogurt anymore. And I assure you that something as insignificant as a chocolate donut will be long forgotten as fat dude and peaches become one. Fruity salvation I call it and boy is it ever something to behold.

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Random Strange Thoughts from the Kid

Why do I usually carry an onion around in my pocket when I go out in public, you ask? Actually, it's to preserve my tough guy image. Allow me to explain. You see, I have a tendency to get all sentimental and emotional over certain things. For instance, those touching love stories you sometimes see on TV or in the movies often set me off. So whenever I feel a good cry coming on, I just whip out the onion, break it open and proceed to rub it directly in my eyes. That way, instead of coming off like a sappy little sissy boy crying over a love story, I reinforce my image as the bad ass dude who's both tough and crazy enough to rub raw onions directly in his own eyes for no apparent reason.

If I ever do get arrested and charged with the possession of narcotics I think I'll have to remind the Judge that possession is only nine-tenths the law. Oh yes, and believe me, I'll emphasize the significance of that other one-tenth until it seems impossible to ignore. Then, to put the icing on the cake, after I've gone on and on about that last tenth, I'll close my argument with something along the lines of "There's your shadow of a doubt right there, Buddy!"

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Random Thoughts from Goo Goblins

I sometimes like to take my goldfish out to dinner with me, when my wife is out of town. I set him up across the table from me and when the waiter comes to take our orders, I always order Salmon and then the waiter and I rejoice in mocking the poor fish.

What if the Tortoise was just the one who told the fuckiní story? Think about it!

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Random Thoughts from Buckshot the Bandit

Buckshot once hit Chuck Norris and when Chuck woke up, his clothes WERE out of style.

Have you ever heard of the two-headed horseman? He is some guy that dresses up in scary black clothes and rides a horse around town demanding that someone return his missing head. Now, he does have a normal head just like all of us but he is very adamant that he was born with a 2nd head that rests on top of his normal head. His only proof is that he has one of those toy mechanical claws and says that he used to use it to put hats on his "top head." Say what you want about the man but with proof like that who are we to label him crazy?

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