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Armageddon?
Note to the Anti-Christ. If you’re really serious about getting this whole Apocalypse thing started, the first thing you need to do is come up with some new agents of suffering and torment. I mean, seriously, maybe there was a time when the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse got folks fired up about the End Times, but in this day and age, four scary dudes on horseback aren’t going to get me, or anyone else, to embrace the thought of impending death and destruction. On the other hand, if you were to unleash, say, The Four Hot Chicks of the Apocalypse, I think we would all be much more receptive to this Armageddon idea of yours. Just some food for thought.
RANDOM STRANGE THOUGHTS
| Everyone knows that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Less well known, however, is the fact that cauliflower will scare off the mailman. |
| Let me offer you this small piece of advice. If you happen to be putting together your resume in order to land a better job, don't make the same mistake that I did. Don't advertise the fact that you're "potty trained". It just doesn't look all that impressive on paper. Of course, if you're short on experience and feel you really need to put it on there, at least refer to it in a way that makes it sound more significant. For instance, if I had it to do all over again, I'd have referred to myself as "schooled in the art of pooping" or even better yet, "poop certified". |
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RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM GOO GOBLINS
| What if your mind had a mind of its own? |
| When I see my boss in his office taking a sip of his coffee, I like to quickly barge in and say “don’t drink that, I’ve pissed in it again, and I’m really sorry.” |
RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM BUCKSHOT THE BANDIT
| I'm a card guy. If you throw a no hitter, I may send your arm a congratulatory card. If you miss a game winning field goal it's an encouragement card for your foot. If you sleep with a hot girl your penis may find a Great Job card in the mail box. If you eat something really spicy, don't look now ass, but you'll be getting a sympathy card. Like I said before... I'm a card guy. |
| When ever I am bleeding... be it from a paper cut, a hang nail or a scab that I just picked I always blame it on those leeches. It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, I just yell out "Those damned leeches got me again!" This only works for small cuts though because I think we all know that there is no such thing as a giant leech. If I ever get my head cut off I don't think my trick will fool anyone because to date, there have been no reports of leech be-headings. |
RANDOM MISQUOTE
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"Some asses are more conducive to kicking than others."
- A wise man once said that |
 
 Here's one we'll call naked alien practicing the karate. Apparently he's a black belt, but clearly his form leaves something to be desired. Quite frankly, Mr. Miyagi would be appalled. Neither "wax on wax off" nor "paint the fence". If anything, it looks more like a weak attempt at "pour the juice". What an absolute disgrace. Just another example of a know it all spaceman who can't be bothered to put forth even the slightest bit of effort.
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