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from Goo, Buckshot and the Kid (The Fearsome Threesome)

Christmas Giraffes?

Perhaps now we can lay that whole Chris Cringle myth to rest once and for all. The notion that a lone heavyset elf in a red suit squeezes down chimney's all over the world to leave gifts on Christmas Eve is far-fetched, to say the least. Most scholars, like myself, have long since dismissed this "Single Gift Giver Theory" in favor of a "Conspiracy Theory" involving a coordinated plot by many gift givers to spread joy during the holidays. The question is, who are these multiple gift givers? Personally, I've always figured they were probably a tight knit group of giraffes. Why giraffes you say? Well, you see, the key to the secret gift giving business is in being able to escape detection. Everyone wants to get a glimpse of a secret gift giver after all. Now as I see it, there are only two types of animals with enough detection avoidance capabilities to go unnoticed while leaving presents all over the globe in a single night. You have your chameleons and then you have your giraffes. Chameleons are masters of deception but they are much too small to carry all those gifts. That leaves only giraffes my friend. Make no mistake, they are plenty large enough to haul the loot and despite that size, their graceful agility and camouflaged coat make them virtually undetectable to the naked eye. I think that's why we've never had proof up until recently. You could be right there in the same room with a giraffe and you'd never know it. Ah, but then there's this amazing photo, taken early Christmas morning of 2000 by an amateur photographer in the south of France. Finally, proof of what I have known in my heart all along. The only question is why? Why did this particular giraffe choose to reveal himself? I don’t know for sure, but it may simply be that he was tired of busting his ass every year and letting an old fat dude take all the credit.

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Random Strange Thoughts from the Kid

I truly feel blessed. Perhaps it’s because I sneeze quite a bit.

They say that “two’s company and three’s a crowd.” Well try telling that to the Three Musketeers, the Three Stooges, the Three Amigos, the Three Blind Mice, the Three Wisemen, the Three Little Pigs, the Three Men with that baby, Charlie’s Angels, My Three Sons, the Father the Son & the Holy Ghost, Huey Dewey & Louie, Alvin Simon & Theodore, Snap Crackle & Pop, Peter Paul & Mary, Emerson Lake & Palmer, Crosby Stills & Nash once they ditched that stinkin Young, and last but not least, those three friggin Wise Monkeys. You know, “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.”

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Random Thoughts from Goo Goblins

I find the term “hands free” cell phone to be offensive for those lacking hands.

I like to go up to random white people on the street and say “I should have guessed it, your one of them Bush people aren’t you. Then I like to shake my head with disgust and say “you look like a darn Neanderthal.”

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Random Thoughts from Buckshot the Bandit

If someone makes you nervous and that person asks you "Do I make you nervous?" Most normal people would say "No, of course not." Now you're screwed because you're double nervous and you know that they are onto you.

I saw 4 people walking funny today: 2 girls and 2 guys. It makes you wonder what the girls were up to last night. It REALLY makes you wonder what the guys were up to.

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