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Thoughts from Goo Goblins


What if the Tortoise was just the one who told the fuckin' story? Think about it!


I sometimes like to take my goldfish out to dinner with me, when my wife is out of town. I set him up across the table from me and when the waiter comes to take our orders, I always order Salmon and then the waiter and I rejoice in mocking the poor fish.


When the mailroom guy comes around at work I like to quickly get up on top of my desk and then go diving off, laying down the atomic elbow drop to his temple.


I think it would be much more troublesome to find a piece of hay in a stack of needles. Think about it!


You ever wonder if Wonder bread was alive, would it be like a bag of individuals lined side by side, or just one poor guy sliced up into a lot of little pieces? Think About It?


They say Aunts are supposed to be so strong, no, actually I never heard that said about Aunts.


They say ants are supposed to be so strong in relation to their size, that's why I always pick fights with them. Think About It?


You ever be sitting in a board meeting while a District manager is rambling on and you decide it would probably be a real good idea to slowly creep up behind him, and then dive on top of him hugging him saying, "You make so many wonderful points, I just want to snuggle with you, my Mr. Smarty Man."


My friend "Shithead" once asked me if I ever wondered how I got my name.


When was the last time you ever saw a Robin wearing a yellow cape? The prop people for that Batman show must have been real jackassess.


Who put the bop in the bop shoe wop shoe wop? Who was that man, I'd like to hold his hand? Think About It!


You ever pull up behind a cop car and try to pull him over. I like to pull up behind cops and start flashing them with my lights while squealing out my driver side window at the top of my lungs, making a man-made siren sound. Then I start to yell, "Oh how the tables have turned my sweet friend!"


After Sunday mass I like to inform the priest that he gave an excellent sermon by saying, “Hey Father, you really fuckin' nailed that shit, good for you.” Then when he looks angry and says, "I don't think the colorful language is necessary, my son," I scream, "I'll never join you. You're not my father." And then I try to cut off his hand with my plastic light saber, which I pull out from my satchel.


You ever wonder if throwing Chinese Stars at work would be considered inappropriate? If you haven't, why don't you think about it!


You ever get called in to your boss' office and he's screaming at you for the reports that you accidentally lit on fire and shoved down the pants of the guy in the cubicle next to you? Have You? Think about it!


You ever wonder what they would say to you in a fish store if you walked in wearing full scuba equipment and attempted to try to dive into one of the tanks?


I sometimes hide in my neighbor's underwear drawer.


Whenever I meet someone's new baby I like to look down at the infant and then smile at the parents, figuring they're probably sick of hearing, "the baby is so cute," instead I like to tell them, "Looks like a shitbird if you ask me."


I sometimes take birdbaths naked. Think about it!


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