"Here they come to snuff the Rooster, aww yeah. Yeah here come the Rooster, yeah, you know he ain't gonna die. No, no, no ya know he ain't gonna die."

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime, assuming of course, that he is even fond of seafood in the first place, which is certainly no guarantee, and then there's the issue of the high levels of mercury found in fish these days. So basically, by teaching this poor bastard to fish you may very well be killing him slowly. That's just terrific. Perhaps next time you can keep your stupid knowledge of fishing to yourself. Why must you always meddle in the affairs of others?"

"If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it definitely is very duck like."

"If God had meant for man to fly, he would have given us wings."

"From your lips to my ears."

"Well I'll be a monkey's uncle."

"If I had a dime for every time I said 'if I had a dime' then I'd have just earned myself 20 quick cents right there."

"I have not yet begun to fight."

"It is far better to give than to receive, especially if you're talking about weggies. Let's face it, nobody wants to be on the receiving end of one of those bad boys."

"I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death! Of course, I would prefer liberty if it's all the same to you. You know, if it's not too much trouble. It's just that death seems so morbid. But I don't want to be imposing here, so I'll just pipe down....... Well how bout it? Liberty sounds good doesn't it?"

"Quote the Raven, nevermore."

"My only regret is that I have but one life to give for my country. Well, there is also the fact that I never pursued my dream of joining the circus. The thought of what could have been has always haunted me. I really think I might have made a terrific clown. I guess I'll never know for sure. At any rate, I have just those two regrets."

"Me thinkest thou dust too much."

"Why do you say that I'm the Egg Man? It's because I'm fat, isn't it? Oh yeah, let's all have a big laugh at the Egg Man's expense. And don’t think it makes everything OK just because you refer to yourself as the Walrus. I see right through that clever little scheme. You dub yourself the Walrus and think that gives you the green light to start throwing fat names all around the joint. Well that doesn't wash with me pal. I tell you what, you can just take your cu-cu-ca-chu and stick it where the sun don't shine."

"I know you are but what am I?"

"It was raining cats and dogs on a dog day afternoon in this dog eat dog world during the dog days of summer and I was feeling dog tired, trying to teach an old dog new tricks since I couldn't just let sleeping dogs lie, thinking to myself, every dog has his day and by the way, who let the dogs out?"

"Cowards die many times before their deaths, the valiant never taste of death but once. So you see, being a coward's not all it's cracked up to be."

"The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that in fact does rock the cradle, so to speak. I mean literally, that's the same hand."

"When in Rome, do as the Romans do. But use your common sense. Don't go overboard to the point where it might seem as though you're mocking them. Just remember, nobody likes a mimic."

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a rat's ass."

"Some asses are more conducive to kicking than others."

"I found my thrills on Blueberry Hill. Yep, they were still in the box right there under that old maple tree where I had left them. It was a lucky thing too. After all, having carelessly left a box of thrills laying out in the open like that, it's a wonder nobody came along and snatched them up. I tell you, everybody's looking for cheap thrills these days and there was my box of what amounted to free thrills just sitting there waiting to be taken. Boy was I fortunate."

"Energy can be neither created nor destroyed, but it can be made to feel lethargic from lack of exercise and too much junk food. Take the example of the little fat kid sitting on the couch eating ice cream and watching TV all day. He already exists, so you can't create him and you certainly wouldn't want to destroy him because, after all, he's just an innocent fat kid. Ah, but he has been made to feel lethargic, hasn't he? So that's energy for you. Not so unlike a little fat kid lounging on a couch."

"If you can't beat 'em, the way I see it, they simply cannot be beaten. At least not by you anyway."

"Don't cry over spilled milk, unless of course it happens to be the last of the milk and it's late at night so all the stores are closed and you just poured yourself a nice big bowl of Fruit Loops and the Fruit Loops are just sitting there staring you right in the face, taunting you, because there's no way in hell your about to eat them dry and, man, you really had your heart set on those Fruit Loops too. You were really in a big time Fruit Loop mood, so to speak. And now your left with no alternative but to accept defeat and quietly pour them back into the box. Back into the box for God's sake. Anyhow, under this particular set of circumstances, crying is to be expected."

"The Devil's in the details."

"I just don't get it. Little Big Horn. That's a blatant oxymoron right there. They could have simply called it Medium Horn and spared us all the contradictory nonsense, but no, they had to be difficult. I guess that's just Indians for you. Oh, would you look at that, I've been mortally wounded. This really isn't my day."

"There are two kinds of people in this world, maybe even more."

"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his rib cage."

"E equals MC with a teeny tiny number 2 just above it and to the right."

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you two times."

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears! I know you're probably hesitant and you have every right to be, but you have my word that I will be very careful with them and they will be returned as good as new. It won't be like your noses, which you so graciously loaned me last year and I subsequently lost."

"Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

"Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run. Fill the regular minute with sixty seconds worth of lounging on the couch drinking beer."

"Let's put the women and children to bed and go grab a bite to eat!"

"Mammas don't let your babies grow up to be punk-ass hippy musicians."

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, but so does the journey to the fridge and let’s face it, that’s a much more realistic distance to travel by foot."

"A man's home is his castle, especially if he lives in a castle."

"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace. Two thousand hollow words, now that's a different story."

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, oh wait a minute, yes it is."

"Keep your nose to the grindstone."

"A rose by any other name would not be called a rose. Most likely people would refer to it by that other name."

"Eighty Seven long-ass years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation."

"An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth and interestingly enough, an ear for a nose."