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"I don't think, therefore I am not."
- Mondo Wacko (aka Buckles Bixby)
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"When I'm happy and I know it and I really want to show it I shoot someone."
- Buckshot
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"It's gonna be hit city and it's gonna hurt!"
- Big Nick
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"I used to pay way too much for new mufflers until Meineke started their life saving ad campaign. Thanks Meineke!"
- A Greatful Customer
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"Christopher Columbus was a curious guy and society didn't call him gay. I just wanted to know what it felt like to have my inner ass probed by a plump and juicy penis. Furthermore, I don't think that it makes me gay that I loved the experience and I try to repeat it every chance I get!"
- Goo, locked away in his closet.
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"Underwear is what makes the man and I wear BRIEFS!!!"
- Anonymous (but not the guy who wrote Primary Colors)
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"Some people try to pickup girls... get called an asshole. This did not happen to Pablo Picasso. He would walk down the street. Girls could not resist his stare. Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole."
- Slippery Bananas
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"It's a two dog minimum on Saturday night, Saturday night!"
- Two Dog Tommy
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"You wouldn't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner Dottie, a rebel ... and I like guys."
- Pee Wee
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"Get your damn hands off my balls!"
- c'mon, who hasn't said that
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"I never did trust that Sweet 'n Low stuff. For that matter, anything with "'n" in the title has got to be on the suspicious list."
- Cecil B.
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"I ain't afraid to tell the world that it don't take school stuff to help a fella play ball."
- Shoeless Joe Jackson
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"The only two places that success comes before work are in the dictionary and in this sentence."
- Vince Lombardi
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"Ya gots to work with what you gots to work with. Me, I'm blind."
- Famous Blind Guy (Stevie Wonder)
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"There once was a man from Venus, with a rocket ship for a, uhhh, weiner."
- Butt-Head
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"You Goos sure can party!"
- Mr. Smith (During a week long anal orgy with the Goo)
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"I fight for the common man. They don't know I do, so they show no appreciation. I walk the streets with these people everyday, trying to answer the question "Why Fight?" Each day however I do find a reason to go on, and so I continue to fight."
- A Lonely Superhero
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"My grill cover was disrespected by a squirrel and he will pay for it."
- Angry Griller
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"If I can get a good deal on a tropical vacation I'll take it!"
- Who knows
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