JUST THE FACTS
Know Your Enemy
You may not know this about the Bandit but I have been to hell and back. When I was in hell one time I asked everyone if there were any bats in hell. They all laughed at me and and told me that I should go ask the big man. Now normally if any fool were to laugh at old Buckshot I'd pull out my guns and go to work but I figured that they were in hell and that I'd only be putting them out of their misery. So anyway, I went and found the devil and asked him the same question about the bats. He laughed at me, called me a dumbass and then told me that no bats ever lived down here. That was just crossing the line so I did have to kill him.
After I left hell I went and found Meatloaf, slapped him around a bit, and told him that hell didn't have any bats let alone 3 of them. I don't know if it was some extra toughness he had gained during his time in Fight Club but he didn't take my statement as fact. He argued with me and told me that he had it on very good authority that hell not only had bats but also other animals like parakeets and chimps. I told Meatloaf that he was a man of character for not cowering in my presence but then I killed him anyway.
After that I went to the nearest saloon and had a double shot of whiskey. While I sat there I realized that I should have asked Meat who told him this nonsense but then I thought to myself, "I guess its a little too late for that!" As I turned and leaned on the bar, being pleased with my cleverness, I overheard someone 3 stools down tell his buddy that he knew for a fact that hell had chickens. Hearing this I jumped up to see who the hell was talking all this jive only to find that it was a damn pointy eared elf. I marched right over to him and punched him square between the eyes and then realized that everyone else in the saloon was elves. Quickly, I went for my gun but was caught up side the head by a bottle before I could draw it.
Well it was a long night after that. Those dirty elves beat me unmerciful and within an inch of my life. As I crawled out of that bar the only thing that kept me going was my now, even worse hatred for the entire species of those creatures.
That night started the war of elves and bandits, a war which continues to this day!
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