1. Q: How can I become a member of “The Fellowship Of The Spork?”

A: Becoming a member of The Fellowship is actually quite simple. Upon entering any one of our “holy shrines” you will first need to wait on a short line. When you get to the front of the line, the initiation begins as a member proceeds to greet you by saying, “Welcome to KFC, may I take your order?” To this, you must respond, “My name is (state full name) and I believe that Ronald McDonald and the Burger King are lovers. I also believe that Wendy is actually a homosexual gentleman dressed as a little red headed girl. That's right, hamburgers are made by the 'gays' and anyone who eats red meat is a gay enabler. I, (state full name again), on the other hand, am neither gay nor am I a gay enabler, although I do feel strangely attracted to that guy (point to any man standing nearby).” Then to further prove that you are not homosexual and worthy of being welcomed into The Fellowship, you must break out a copy of Victoria Secret and begin masturbating on the floor. When your work is done, you must rise and proclaim proudly, “Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout! Looks like (state fullname yet again) is straight as an arrow!” And that’s all there is to becoming a member of The Fellowship.

2. Q: If you want to be known as “The Fellowship Of The Spork” then why don’t you put that name on the big signs in front of all your so called “holy shrines” rather than the name Kentucky Fried Chicken?

A: Why don’t you just shut your stupid face?

3. Q: I have been eating at KFC since I was a kid and never once heard it referred to as “The Fellowship Of The Spork.” In fact, there are numerous references to a “Colonel” Sanders on signs within your own restaurants and nothing about a “Reverend” Sanders. How do you explain this?

A: How do you explain your stupid face?

4. Q: Isn’t your fried chicken every bit as unhealthy as the “cow flesh” that your competitors serve?

A: Isn’t your face every bit as stupid as the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen, making it tied for most stupidest ever? A: Yes!